Today I know how does it feel when your inbox doesn't get even a simple hi/hello msg from anyone.... Am I same guy who used to receive 10's of personal mails almost daily, now not even a single forwarded mail come in months. No-one ready to talk to you, noone will listen to you, you are left alone with your explanations which noone will ever understand. whatif they understand tomorrow, will they be able fill in this gap.... never
I just dont' know if the entire world is like that or it was a special treatment just for me.. I dont' know if my ways were right or wrong.. but my motive was correct. Everyone I talk to seems suspicious. Is it the height of depression? I know I'm right, but I cant' make anyone understand..and so I'm out. I remember those days when I used to draft beautiful emails just to send to my friends, It was always time consuming as I always used to upload the pics again to some reliable image hosting service so that my mails will remain beautiful for years.... and now my same friends dont' consider me worth to receive their mails. and if someone talks to me it looks like a mercy feeling. I have done whatever I could do to prove myself but are they worthy enough to be my friends.
I'm just a normal human being & I accept that I too can be at fault, but if they really considered me their friend; wasn't it their responsibility to tell where I was wrong. but they didn't care for it.
Today I really feel there's noone beside me but still I wont' turn to those people who have already proved how good friends they were. better to die alone rather having false friends. I'm still not defeated, I'll fight till they understand and they will have to regret loosing a friend like me.... this is a promise to myself.

Today I can witness the 2-phases of my life, the one when I was surrounded by friends, people used to praise me for this or that. I was confident enough to stand alone and make a way for me. I used to say, What happen if the world is not with me, do I care a bit. A continuous struggler is what I was, careless still confident and contented.
And now it seems I'm a different one. Let alone confidence, now I'm not even ready to tackle life the way it comes. A tired person who got only failures in all what he did. Am I too much in depression, may be I am. But why..? Just don't know if there's still anyone who has faith in me, some say they have confidence in me but their own behavior doesn't do justice to their words.
Sometimes I think even this was needed for me, I must be knowing that people are like that. If you shine you will get many friends out of them but when you are lost in dark no-one will care to look for you.... ? is it another lesson of life for me....

Today I'm feeling too helpless that i have lost all my faith. There was a time when I used to get succeed without much hard work, but today even though I put all my efforts I cant' see any results. It's like walking on a long road without even knowing where it leads.
Working without motivation is really very tough, sometimes it all seems fruitless. If you dare to dream it is only you who will help you in achieving that. No one really care about it. They just know about your success or failure. Once u gets success, the enjoyment is just for 1/2 days or say just an internal feeling that finally you got it, may be all those whom u lost in the way to success will come back....
Sometimes I really wish why the life is not like a movie where everything seems so simple.. if someone cares it shows.. in real everyone seems so ignorant.
I don't know If i will ever realize my dreams, but one thing for sure it wont' be that charming if achieved after couple of years.
Sometimes I really wonder when called proudy by some of my friends(so called), I really wanted to ask them "What should I be proud of?", it only looks like a way to ignore me....
I hope time will change for me, and I will laugh after reading such meaningless posts by me.... If nothing else it will remind me how stupid I was(In case I grow up to be called an intelligent person.. :))

back again; after a long time though.... feeling quite strange.. just don't know what to do where to go....lost one of my close friends, waheed.. I want to help his family, but just don't know the way.. seems as if I have forgotten to express my feelings.. there are no tears in my eyes, am I strong enough to bear all this or is it so called senselessness..
life is like a big forest, and I'm lost.. Few months back I had started a site, just in order to keep my dreams alive.... but it seems I can only dream.. building something with dedication is really tough for me.... hopefully I will make it one day.. I was on leave in last week so today I have some work finally.. but I'm in no mood to work today....